This is a travelogue. The following posts may contain more travel than destinations. Wait, thats what a travelogue is. So between comments from my folks ranging from "Ab kya jaogey" to "Rehne do" and the razai, I fell asleep and missed my train heading to Amritsar that was delayed only by 14 hours. And then began
Lucknow se Dilli OR Huzoor, aapka sar hamaari god men kyon hai?
Start: Lucknow
End: New Delhi
I took a seat in sleeper, as I can't/dont sleep while travelling. And also have issues sharing a sleeper with a stranger. I saw one guy attempt to get out from over the other sleeper-stranger and it was super awkward, where the sleeper wanted to get out of the way but they ended up being more intimate. Like this Gustav Klimt painting.
The sleeper experience. No thankyou.
The bus journey began, delayed only by an hour. Passengers began reclining their seats to the maximum, or as they would later recall, "Vassool" kiya poora seat'. My seat gave me a 'Vasool' of a full two inches. Since there were no empty seats, no 'adjustments' could be made. FML. Till the guy sitting/sleeping one row in front reclined his seat till it was like
Amitabh Bacchan and Rakhi
sitting under a tree
Just S.I.T.T.I.N.G.
I pointed this out to him.
So "Rakhee" straightned his seat a LITTLE but would drop to the same position (i.e my lap) in about 5 minutes. When this was pointed out again, here's the conversation that followed :
AB: Yaar Zara seat thodi aagey lelo.
Rakhee: Dekho, Mere paas laptop. Aur kal mujhe kaam hai. To mujhe soney do.
AB : (bewildered face)
AB: Lekin meri god mein kyon so rahe ho? Lori sunogey?
Rakhee: snore
AB: Aisa karo, laptop kholo, kaam khatam karo aur kal aaraam se sona.
Rakhee: SNORE.
My retort to this was to hang my hands over his face.
Rakhee : 'Mere baal nuch rahe hai!'
Amitabh : 'Arre Aapke ghaney baalon ko kuch nahin ho sakta!!'
You're wondering what was this conversation? Why didn't you smack him Karan? Well, I didn't want to be Un-lukhnawee. Endlessly pointless arguments is what we be all about, Huzoor.
Rakhee finds space between my dangling hands and falls asleep.
These were the next two hours:
Soon we came to a rest stop where I left my confines, him still snoring away. People stood puffing their cigarettes and beedis, I stood in the dark, watching my breath, imagining I was smoking as only a non-smoker (tobacco) does. I then spotted my next-seat-neighbour standing in the distance. Our only interaction so far was him giving me a sympathetic look while I joojhoed with Rakhee. The sequence that followed inspires a haiku.
The light behind him.
A smoking paper shined.
is that what i think it is.
As the contents of a crumpled newpaper were transferred into the paper, the proprieter shot a furtive glance over his shoulder. Thats where he caught me looking at him. I smiled a smile that asks the question 'is that what i think it is'. He sheepishly smiled back denoting 'yes'.
Bas, phir kya tha.
He lit it up
I asked him for a kash
he obliged.
Our chat revealed he was a sailor, having studied at TS Chanakya, some 500m from my house in New Bombay. What were the odds!
Here's a Russian montage on how this went down (for you film buffs). Or as they call a russian montage in Russian : A Ruskyovsky Montagieovsky. What? Thats not enough? you want something better? Whats better than a Ruskyovsky Montagieovsky? An Om Puri Ruskyovsky Montagieovsky. Or as they call this in india, a Puri-Bhaji.
Now it had been atleast 3 months since I had last touched the greens. The world was a much more interesting place and I was ofcourse much happier about my predicament. Till 'Rakhee' got back to his seat and while taking a angdaayi declared to his partner by his side:
'Yaar ab phir se phail ke soounga'.
*DRAMATIC MUSIC
Bas phir kya tha.
I put my foot up on the back of his seat. Marking an end to his precious sleep. So much for manners.
Bye Bye Lucknow. Hello Dallyy.
P.S:
This has been posted just about when I was beginning to respond to the question "So DUDE, how was Punjab-trip?" with 'Accha tha'. Very Un-Karan. I know you're barely reading this, because the Puri-Paaji stare be so hypno.
Lucknow se Dilli OR Huzoor, aapka sar hamaari god men kyon hai?
Start: Lucknow
End: New Delhi
I took a seat in sleeper, as I can't/dont sleep while travelling. And also have issues sharing a sleeper with a stranger. I saw one guy attempt to get out from over the other sleeper-stranger and it was super awkward, where the sleeper wanted to get out of the way but they ended up being more intimate. Like this Gustav Klimt painting.
The bus journey began, delayed only by an hour. Passengers began reclining their seats to the maximum, or as they would later recall, "Vassool" kiya poora seat'. My seat gave me a 'Vasool' of a full two inches. Since there were no empty seats, no 'adjustments' could be made. FML. Till the guy sitting/sleeping one row in front reclined his seat till it was like
Amitabh Bacchan and Rakhi
sitting under a tree
Just S.I.T.T.I.N.G.
I know what you thinking babe. No. Not. Never. Never Ever. As in Never Ever Ever.
I pointed this out to him.
So "Rakhee" straightned his seat a LITTLE but would drop to the same position (i.e my lap) in about 5 minutes. When this was pointed out again, here's the conversation that followed :
AB: Yaar Zara seat thodi aagey lelo.
Rakhee: Dekho, Mere paas laptop. Aur kal mujhe kaam hai. To mujhe soney do.
AB : (bewildered face)
AB: Lekin meri god mein kyon so rahe ho? Lori sunogey?
Rakhee: snore
AB: Aisa karo, laptop kholo, kaam khatam karo aur kal aaraam se sona.
Rakhee: SNORE.
My retort to this was to hang my hands over his face.
Rakhee : 'Mere baal nuch rahe hai!'
Amitabh : 'Arre Aapke ghaney baalon ko kuch nahin ho sakta!!'
You're wondering what was this conversation? Why didn't you smack him Karan? Well, I didn't want to be Un-lukhnawee. Endlessly pointless arguments is what we be all about, Huzoor.
Rakhee finds space between my dangling hands and falls asleep.
These were the next two hours:
Soon we came to a rest stop where I left my confines, him still snoring away. People stood puffing their cigarettes and beedis, I stood in the dark, watching my breath, imagining I was smoking as only a non-smoker (tobacco) does. I then spotted my next-seat-neighbour standing in the distance. Our only interaction so far was him giving me a sympathetic look while I joojhoed with Rakhee. The sequence that followed inspires a haiku.
The light behind him.
A smoking paper shined.
is that what i think it is.
As the contents of a crumpled newpaper were transferred into the paper, the proprieter shot a furtive glance over his shoulder. Thats where he caught me looking at him. I smiled a smile that asks the question 'is that what i think it is'. He sheepishly smiled back denoting 'yes'.
Bas, phir kya tha.
He lit it up
I asked him for a kash
he obliged.
Our chat revealed he was a sailor, having studied at TS Chanakya, some 500m from my house in New Bombay. What were the odds!
Here's a Russian montage on how this went down (for you film buffs). Or as they call a russian montage in Russian : A Ruskyovsky Montagieovsky. What? Thats not enough? you want something better? Whats better than a Ruskyovsky Montagieovsky? An Om Puri Ruskyovsky Montagieovsky. Or as they call this in india, a Puri-Bhaji.
'Yaar ab phir se phail ke soounga'.
*DRAMATIC MUSIC
If someone had immediately taken a reaction shot of me right. freaking. then.
Bas phir kya tha.
I put my foot up on the back of his seat. Marking an end to his precious sleep. So much for manners.
Bye Bye Lucknow. Hello Dallyy.
P.S:
This has been posted just about when I was beginning to respond to the question "So DUDE, how was Punjab-trip?" with 'Accha tha'. Very Un-Karan. I know you're barely reading this, because the Puri-Paaji stare be so hypno.
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