I have recently travelled to Lucknow for my cousin Chun Chun's wedding. Thats not her real name ofcourse but she is called such because it was the sound she was making while she was growing up. Not saying the words but similar to how bees go bzz bzz and a payal goes Chan Chan, similarly Chun Chun went ChunChun. She's got a very lovely, unique and registered name, but so is Chun Chun.
About the flight to Lucknow. Most of them flying north were delayed due to fog/smog. So we had two sessions of waiting, first at the boarding gates, and then at the airplane door. I kept my cool, bobbing to some vintage marshall mathers, though I was sensing a general impatience swelling to the point of bubbling over. Some tell tale signs are when people are turning around and randomly catching someone's eye, letting out a Phew!, rolling the eyes and the message is received loud and clear. By the time everyone coming from Patna had deboarded and we were slowly shuffling in, a gentleman lost his cool. This he made clear by asking "Where is your manager?". To which was replied "Inside", the ground staff pointing to the area where we had already spent 15 minutes waiting. To this, the irritated gentleman countered "What do you mean inside?". Sensing the lack of riposte, I overtook the gentleman who's volume was rising but reason was lacking, and made my way to the seat.
I saved 200 Rs, leaving it to punctuality and charm to get a good seat, which everyone knows is either window or aisle, depending on your waist and bladder control. And I got aisle.
Yeah.
The two seats next to mine remained unoccupied for a long time during boarding. First came the two aunty friends, realising their umblical had been cut by their cheapness, proceeded to request this uncle to switch seats so that they could continue whispering sweet nothings. The uncle flatly refused. Already smarting from the refusal, these aunties saw the two seats next to mine, then saw my face, and approached with surprising swiftness.
Their sentence went like this
"Hi!canyouswitchseatssothatwecansittogetherTHANKYOUSOOOMUCH!!", then crowded around my head to force the relocation.
I, on my part, was expecting this assault and did'nt bend or break. I raised my hand to the "Chill Winstaan" effect. First, I craned my neck to see the seat on offer, being careful not to lift my posterior too far off the seat, lest they find an opportunity to slip their handbag below me, which on seeing their handbag, would have been quite impossible. I saw that the offered seat was between two fat uncles.
No ma'am.
Sorry.
No way. Arm rest all the way.
Maybe some silence will do you good. Some quiet reflection. Some calm contemplation.
I lost them at No.
Next came the IITian threesome who were going to Lucknow to pick up some freshers for their IITians only company. One out of them I knew, and who's jokes I had been subjected to while on a trek in Himachal.
The third wheel of this threesome asked me if I could switch seats with him to sit between an uncle (who i suspect was the "Manager, Where art thou?" person) and a gutkha chewing fat man. I spared this third wheel the CW, or ChillWill as it shall be so forth called but instead just nodded with a NWJ (No way, Jose).
I strapped myself in, determined to overhear and understand some IIT jargon and laugh the laugh pending from that Sar Pass trek of which there were only 3 photos of my participation (1 sole, 2 group)
Soon, i understood nothing and buried myself in a book, looking as determined as an IIT entrancee.
10 years on, I still remember one of the jokes. Here it is. Just for YOU!
Why does the mute cat fall off the roof?
Because his Mew was equal to zero.
"Hah!" cried his fellow IITian from afar. (too many IITs already).
Yahaan oxygen hai nahin aur ye chutkuley sunai ja rahe.
Then followed the explanation for us laymen that Mew was the coefficient of friction. Since a mute cat doesnt Mew, its Mew = Zero, it slipped and fell of the roof.
Poor cat. Hope it landed on its feet. Onto this guy's head.
About the flight to Lucknow. Most of them flying north were delayed due to fog/smog. So we had two sessions of waiting, first at the boarding gates, and then at the airplane door. I kept my cool, bobbing to some vintage marshall mathers, though I was sensing a general impatience swelling to the point of bubbling over. Some tell tale signs are when people are turning around and randomly catching someone's eye, letting out a Phew!, rolling the eyes and the message is received loud and clear. By the time everyone coming from Patna had deboarded and we were slowly shuffling in, a gentleman lost his cool. This he made clear by asking "Where is your manager?". To which was replied "Inside", the ground staff pointing to the area where we had already spent 15 minutes waiting. To this, the irritated gentleman countered "What do you mean inside?". Sensing the lack of riposte, I overtook the gentleman who's volume was rising but reason was lacking, and made my way to the seat.
I saved 200 Rs, leaving it to punctuality and charm to get a good seat, which everyone knows is either window or aisle, depending on your waist and bladder control. And I got aisle.
Yeah.
The two seats next to mine remained unoccupied for a long time during boarding. First came the two aunty friends, realising their umblical had been cut by their cheapness, proceeded to request this uncle to switch seats so that they could continue whispering sweet nothings. The uncle flatly refused. Already smarting from the refusal, these aunties saw the two seats next to mine, then saw my face, and approached with surprising swiftness.
Their sentence went like this
"Hi!canyouswitchseatssothatwecansittogetherTHANKYOUSOOOMUCH!!", then crowded around my head to force the relocation.
I, on my part, was expecting this assault and did'nt bend or break. I raised my hand to the "Chill Winstaan" effect. First, I craned my neck to see the seat on offer, being careful not to lift my posterior too far off the seat, lest they find an opportunity to slip their handbag below me, which on seeing their handbag, would have been quite impossible. I saw that the offered seat was between two fat uncles.
No ma'am.
Sorry.
No way. Arm rest all the way.
Maybe some silence will do you good. Some quiet reflection. Some calm contemplation.
I lost them at No.
Next came the IITian threesome who were going to Lucknow to pick up some freshers for their IITians only company. One out of them I knew, and who's jokes I had been subjected to while on a trek in Himachal.
The third wheel of this threesome asked me if I could switch seats with him to sit between an uncle (who i suspect was the "Manager, Where art thou?" person) and a gutkha chewing fat man. I spared this third wheel the CW, or ChillWill as it shall be so forth called but instead just nodded with a NWJ (No way, Jose).
I strapped myself in, determined to overhear and understand some IIT jargon and laugh the laugh pending from that Sar Pass trek of which there were only 3 photos of my participation (1 sole, 2 group)
Soon, i understood nothing and buried myself in a book, looking as determined as an IIT entrancee.
10 years on, I still remember one of the jokes. Here it is. Just for YOU!
Why does the mute cat fall off the roof?
Because his Mew was equal to zero.
"Hah!" cried his fellow IITian from afar. (too many IITs already).
Yahaan oxygen hai nahin aur ye chutkuley sunai ja rahe.
Then followed the explanation for us laymen that Mew was the coefficient of friction. Since a mute cat doesnt Mew, its Mew = Zero, it slipped and fell of the roof.
Poor cat. Hope it landed on its feet. Onto this guy's head.
And here's the complimentary shaadi selfie which contains no bride or groom. Just us Cuzs.
"The Baby in the cradle pose"
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