Few things are more traumatising than sneaking home late at night, its excesses much in your system, and finding your living (drawing) room populated by a very much sober, older and alert crowd of more than just your parents.
Deer in the headlights doesnt cut it. Because the deer are the folks in your drawing room and you're the car, ramped up on nitros.
I conclude two things from these indepth, close quarter studies. 1st, its time I got my own place. (in a manner of speaking). 2nd, my parents too have a life, which more often than not, is more happening than mine. I refer to 1 again.
I have quite often kept awake into the wee hours that is 2.29am and ponder over why Im agreeing to getting ripped off for a better postal address when no one even sends post anymore. No more of those blue inland letters that were compulsory every friday. Word was that they were screened too. (1999, By KP Srivastava)
But its a step that gives hair to the gonads.
Maybe I'm trying to express that I'm going to miss home. So I've decided to make a list of things I will not miss.
Here's the top of the tops.
If you remember the earlier mentioned trauma of returning home to a very alive drawing room. This one tops that.
Dance, which I believe is the most readily accepted and popularly practiced form of retard-iness, is a skill which in me was neither innate, and through an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction (even before they were called that, the pre-britney era), cut short that short bloom that me and this craft were experiencing.
Dance : Interhouse compeition
Song : Mere Desh Ki Dharti.
Thanks to my height, I was leading the "Cut the fasal with a sickle because who knows if it will rain next year" step and my dhoti came undone. Though there were tights within, it was The end. I was demoted to Bal Gangadahar Tilak clad in saffron and sporting a dark black kajal moustache, which my 6th grade face held with as much panache as I wore the dhoti before it came off. And BGT didnt dance, he either freedom fought or stood stoic-ly while others cut the Sona that had Ugal and the heerey Moti that were to follow.
So I could never dance. Balley-Balley not counted. Also not counting the irish dancing feet that I can do. Oh Ai-di-Dai-di-Dai-di-Dai-di-Dai-di-Dai-di-DIE.
Hence I mostly just observe.
One witnesses a lot of dancing styles at these "get-togethers", as my folks and their peers call parties. Parties give the impression that something irresponsible is happening. Get-together is the college equivalent of calling Goa trips "Industrial Visits". I have it from a reliable source (never to be revealed ofcourse) that even the KKK would use similar terminology. Thats why they were 'cool' for so long. Its all in the phrasing.
These dances are never a reflection of your background, like "Ye dekhiya, aapke saamne Assam ka jharokha/Doli. Assam is one of the seven sister states. Though we sometimes treat them as if they were from a step sister. The Cinderella kind." I would watch that Republic Day Parade.
These dances represent no particular region but they can be studied as they happen at a slower pace than the ones at your regular haunts. Here are some "specimens" described in no particular order of preference, since there is none.
Naagin dance is superior to us all, so it might not find mention.
1. I'm still young, what are you saying? (read in hindi):
This choreography, has been observed to be practiced more by females than males. Mostly because they are just better at this craft. But to not seem discriminatory, I'll just call them 'dancers'.
These dancers know every step that the actor in this song had performed. They can obviously pull the moves, but just not at that pace. They'll do the same actions, just not all the way, at a more wavy, relaxed pace so that no muscle-tendon-ligament-bone pops out.
The most adventurous of the lot will do something like what Salman Khan did in Wanted. He squatted and came up, with his hand made in a wriggle-fist, akin to when your kada or kangan (whichever you wear or prefer), or in his case, the evil eye pendant, will just not slide down his wrist unless its forced to.
They also tend to be almost half or one entire step behind the song but who cares.
2. The pointers/Wavers
This step sometimes makes an entire dance. It can be temporarily adopted too, if the actual dancer in the video was a KK wearing dark glasses and no pallu. Here, the dancer just points in a direction. The head also sometimes follows suit, moving like a chicken moves its. Rarely do both the points go in separate directions, because what kind of a step would that be? Very very rarely is it pointed towards anyone who's not your other half (lets admit it, there are no better halves). Because that would start a dance off, something that only ends with the Naagin. I mean you cant really win a dance-off if the other dancer just danced so much that he skipped a few places in the animal kingdom and turned reptilian, who's retained a good ear for music. Darwin be damned.
And every shaadi shehnai waala knows to end with the Naagin crescendo. Word is that Zubin Mehta is also onto it.
This point is just slightly above the heads of those present. Its similar to the height your hand goes when the pace of Chidiya Udd has really picked up and you are unsure of your ability to discern if a cow flies right after a crow.
This pointing move is safe and you can do it forever.
Waves are not good bye waves, though they could be if someone was leaving this 'Get-together'. But mostly its its how a thermocol would move down a stream by the side of the road in monsoons.
2. Salsa-Zumba till I pop
Self explanatory. And its worse if only one of the partners has been regular at classes. The other half can only do something that even I never ever resort to unless witnessing the naagin. And that is to applaud. And its not the cheering type of applause, but just a clap keeping up with the beat, as if to signify that you're just counting the beats till your partner stops embarassing you or the song changes or his/her hip is displaced.
3. My drink
This is the safest way or remaining non committal. Practiced almost regularly by me and my brother when we are stuck in such environs. Some enthu cutlet will still drag you to the dance floor. And dragging you to the edge of the dance floor is unheard of. You must be dragged to the very centre, where people move aside either grudgingly or are discreetly elbowed, which in itself is masked as a dance move.
I must question the motive behind dragging this person who's so coolly hiding behind the umbrella in their mojito, though if you are
There are three ways of getting out of this. Because the people who were elbowed earlier are just waiting with their eyes peeled to see this person who displaced them. Kaun hai ye zara hum bhi to dekhen. They are :
a. Make sure you refuse to put your drink down and carry it with you as your plus 1. That way you automatically end up spilling your drink, and must retreat to the edges, join your ranks amongst the voyeurs.
b. And this takes balls. Just stand in the centre. And sip your drink. (ILLUSTRATE). So soon people will just take the space that was around you (usually one arm distance) to accommodate your non existent skills.
c. Unleash the "Main Jatt Yamla Pagla Dewaaaanaaa/ Yaaro O Yaara" move. (Love the deols.)
4. My face is the true dancer
This one has been witnessed more often on the 'My drink' dancers. There is so much effort on the face that its almost perspiring, but the dance step is sometimes frozen in the stance Elvis Presley would take when he would end a number. In their defence, a lot of 70's dance moves involved pointing to the sky/disco ball, and then using your feet to sashay whilst keeping the point rigid. But the face. Ooh the face.
5. Dumb Charades
These dancers are the sangeetkars, stuck on the dance floor. They will just enact out the lyrics like in charades. Like Chaand sa Roshan Chehra, zulfon ka rang sunehra will obviously consist of pointing to the moon, then a swirl across the face, then a hand through the hair and the final flourish of hands as if appreciating a Wah Taaj moment. Its strenous but rewarding. Taareef Karoon kya uski will be a hand gesture similar to "Kitna hua bhaiya" while alighting from an autorickshaw.
6. Iski topi Uskey Sar
There is one person who arrives with a hat. Sometimes two. Or a hat is produced from the inners of the godrej cupboard. As the title suggests, the hat travels and is donned by many a dome. The dance is to spend some quality time with the hat before you pass it on or its snatched off the top of your head.
7. NAAGIN
Sorry, I said I wouldnt cover this but I gots ta! This is dance thats existed ever since man got together in society. One reason why Mohenjodaro, the Ashutosh G and R Hritik epic tanked because it lacked one authentic Naagin Dance.
There are no half measures in this dance. But there are roles. You could be the Saap or the Sapera. They never exist without eachother. And levels of commitment. You could be a Naagin on your knees, with your hands on your head ready like you're going to take a dive but cant decide where. Or you could be on your back, with the hands in the same pose. Never, I repeat never face the floor and complete the transformation. Thats a strict no.
After Sridevi and Jeetendra(?), and other honourable mentions I might be missing, its been largely a male dominated space. Its an open dance floor, but ladies... please, refrain.
Who am I kidding..Ofcourse I will miss all this.
Deer in the headlights doesnt cut it. Because the deer are the folks in your drawing room and you're the car, ramped up on nitros.
I conclude two things from these indepth, close quarter studies. 1st, its time I got my own place. (in a manner of speaking). 2nd, my parents too have a life, which more often than not, is more happening than mine. I refer to 1 again.
I have quite often kept awake into the wee hours that is 2.29am and ponder over why Im agreeing to getting ripped off for a better postal address when no one even sends post anymore. No more of those blue inland letters that were compulsory every friday. Word was that they were screened too. (1999, By KP Srivastava)
But its a step that gives hair to the gonads.
Maybe I'm trying to express that I'm going to miss home. So I've decided to make a list of things I will not miss.
Here's the top of the tops.
If you remember the earlier mentioned trauma of returning home to a very alive drawing room. This one tops that.
Dance, which I believe is the most readily accepted and popularly practiced form of retard-iness, is a skill which in me was neither innate, and through an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction (even before they were called that, the pre-britney era), cut short that short bloom that me and this craft were experiencing.
Dance : Interhouse compeition
Song : Mere Desh Ki Dharti.
Thanks to my height, I was leading the "Cut the fasal with a sickle because who knows if it will rain next year" step and my dhoti came undone. Though there were tights within, it was The end. I was demoted to Bal Gangadahar Tilak clad in saffron and sporting a dark black kajal moustache, which my 6th grade face held with as much panache as I wore the dhoti before it came off. And BGT didnt dance, he either freedom fought or stood stoic-ly while others cut the Sona that had Ugal and the heerey Moti that were to follow.
So I could never dance. Balley-Balley not counted. Also not counting the irish dancing feet that I can do. Oh Ai-di-Dai-di-Dai-di-Dai-di-Dai-di-Dai-di-DIE.
Hence I mostly just observe.
One witnesses a lot of dancing styles at these "get-togethers", as my folks and their peers call parties. Parties give the impression that something irresponsible is happening. Get-together is the college equivalent of calling Goa trips "Industrial Visits". I have it from a reliable source (never to be revealed ofcourse) that even the KKK would use similar terminology. Thats why they were 'cool' for so long. Its all in the phrasing.
These dances are never a reflection of your background, like "Ye dekhiya, aapke saamne Assam ka jharokha/Doli. Assam is one of the seven sister states. Though we sometimes treat them as if they were from a step sister. The Cinderella kind." I would watch that Republic Day Parade.
These dances represent no particular region but they can be studied as they happen at a slower pace than the ones at your regular haunts. Here are some "specimens" described in no particular order of preference, since there is none.
Naagin dance is superior to us all, so it might not find mention.
1. I'm still young, what are you saying? (read in hindi):
This choreography, has been observed to be practiced more by females than males. Mostly because they are just better at this craft. But to not seem discriminatory, I'll just call them 'dancers'.
These dancers know every step that the actor in this song had performed. They can obviously pull the moves, but just not at that pace. They'll do the same actions, just not all the way, at a more wavy, relaxed pace so that no muscle-tendon-ligament-bone pops out.
The most adventurous of the lot will do something like what Salman Khan did in Wanted. He squatted and came up, with his hand made in a wriggle-fist, akin to when your kada or kangan (whichever you wear or prefer), or in his case, the evil eye pendant, will just not slide down his wrist unless its forced to.
They also tend to be almost half or one entire step behind the song but who cares.
2. The pointers/Wavers
This step sometimes makes an entire dance. It can be temporarily adopted too, if the actual dancer in the video was a KK wearing dark glasses and no pallu. Here, the dancer just points in a direction. The head also sometimes follows suit, moving like a chicken moves its. Rarely do both the points go in separate directions, because what kind of a step would that be? Very very rarely is it pointed towards anyone who's not your other half (lets admit it, there are no better halves). Because that would start a dance off, something that only ends with the Naagin. I mean you cant really win a dance-off if the other dancer just danced so much that he skipped a few places in the animal kingdom and turned reptilian, who's retained a good ear for music. Darwin be damned.
And every shaadi shehnai waala knows to end with the Naagin crescendo. Word is that Zubin Mehta is also onto it.
This point is just slightly above the heads of those present. Its similar to the height your hand goes when the pace of Chidiya Udd has really picked up and you are unsure of your ability to discern if a cow flies right after a crow.
This pointing move is safe and you can do it forever.
Waves are not good bye waves, though they could be if someone was leaving this 'Get-together'. But mostly its its how a thermocol would move down a stream by the side of the road in monsoons.
2. Salsa-Zumba till I pop
Self explanatory. And its worse if only one of the partners has been regular at classes. The other half can only do something that even I never ever resort to unless witnessing the naagin. And that is to applaud. And its not the cheering type of applause, but just a clap keeping up with the beat, as if to signify that you're just counting the beats till your partner stops embarassing you or the song changes or his/her hip is displaced.
3. My drink
This is the safest way or remaining non committal. Practiced almost regularly by me and my brother when we are stuck in such environs. Some enthu cutlet will still drag you to the dance floor. And dragging you to the edge of the dance floor is unheard of. You must be dragged to the very centre, where people move aside either grudgingly or are discreetly elbowed, which in itself is masked as a dance move.
I must question the motive behind dragging this person who's so coolly hiding behind the umbrella in their mojito, though if you are
There are three ways of getting out of this. Because the people who were elbowed earlier are just waiting with their eyes peeled to see this person who displaced them. Kaun hai ye zara hum bhi to dekhen. They are :
a. Make sure you refuse to put your drink down and carry it with you as your plus 1. That way you automatically end up spilling your drink, and must retreat to the edges, join your ranks amongst the voyeurs.
b. And this takes balls. Just stand in the centre. And sip your drink. (ILLUSTRATE). So soon people will just take the space that was around you (usually one arm distance) to accommodate your non existent skills.
c. Unleash the "Main Jatt Yamla Pagla Dewaaaanaaa/ Yaaro O Yaara" move. (Love the deols.)
4. My face is the true dancer
This one has been witnessed more often on the 'My drink' dancers. There is so much effort on the face that its almost perspiring, but the dance step is sometimes frozen in the stance Elvis Presley would take when he would end a number. In their defence, a lot of 70's dance moves involved pointing to the sky/disco ball, and then using your feet to sashay whilst keeping the point rigid. But the face. Ooh the face.
5. Dumb Charades
These dancers are the sangeetkars, stuck on the dance floor. They will just enact out the lyrics like in charades. Like Chaand sa Roshan Chehra, zulfon ka rang sunehra will obviously consist of pointing to the moon, then a swirl across the face, then a hand through the hair and the final flourish of hands as if appreciating a Wah Taaj moment. Its strenous but rewarding. Taareef Karoon kya uski will be a hand gesture similar to "Kitna hua bhaiya" while alighting from an autorickshaw.
6. Iski topi Uskey Sar
There is one person who arrives with a hat. Sometimes two. Or a hat is produced from the inners of the godrej cupboard. As the title suggests, the hat travels and is donned by many a dome. The dance is to spend some quality time with the hat before you pass it on or its snatched off the top of your head.
7. NAAGIN
Sorry, I said I wouldnt cover this but I gots ta! This is dance thats existed ever since man got together in society. One reason why Mohenjodaro, the Ashutosh G and R Hritik epic tanked because it lacked one authentic Naagin Dance.
There are no half measures in this dance. But there are roles. You could be the Saap or the Sapera. They never exist without eachother. And levels of commitment. You could be a Naagin on your knees, with your hands on your head ready like you're going to take a dive but cant decide where. Or you could be on your back, with the hands in the same pose. Never, I repeat never face the floor and complete the transformation. Thats a strict no.
After Sridevi and Jeetendra(?), and other honourable mentions I might be missing, its been largely a male dominated space. Its an open dance floor, but ladies... please, refrain.
Who am I kidding..Ofcourse I will miss all this.
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