Kimchi

All of the below mentioned are true and can be verified by those mentioned, if you can find them.

I once took an ola share to attend the Korean Movie Festival at NCPA. Partly due to the reason that my friend Deepti Khera, who is a full time hobo traveller now (Favorite place Goa, second favorite Varanasi (she claims, for now), though soon it could be Amsterdam, then Kedarnath) keeps meeting these potential dates/interesting people in her share rides from Khargar to Anywhere (mental note). To Hum Bhi Lag Liye. (Bhojpuri movie title, movie pending)

So now, as I waited for Cupid to play stupid, at the Citibank corner in Vashi, my anticipation builds. The driver seems static on my screen. Then he takes two U turns on the same road around APMC (Which did not arouse any suspicion in me about me finding my soulmate, instead I was like Sabziyan to khaani hoti hain), by which time I decided I must guide the lost soul to me so that I reach the Korean Movie Festival on time and get my free bowl of unlimited kimchi. (the bowl is not free).
I call him. He answers, tells me he's waiting for the other passenger.
My heart is thumping now.
But does Ola let this anticipation build up?
No.
As soon as I put down the phone, it informs me I am sharing my ride with Somesh.
Now that it was established that he was a man, you would think I would not go through the trouble of describing him and jump cut to the long winding queue of Korean Movie enthusiasts waiting outside the Korean Movie Festival, NCPA (location, location, location).

But I will.
He wore a yellow shirt, with two rings on his right hand, a watch with a blue dial. His wife couldnt describe him better, if he were married. I wrote this while seated beside him and I saw him trying to sneakily read what I was writing.
I just hoped that back in (his) day he wasn't a pro at copying in exams, coz I know people who could copy answers IF the answer paper flew in the air and fluttered in the wind. (Luvkush Jain, for example). Why would an answer sheet do that you ask? It wouldnt. I said IF.
So while Somesh attempted to read my jotted notes, I covered the word fat with my thumb, though now which I have altogether deleted so as to not appear so fixated on outwardly appearances.
I also turned the page soon after (not without writing P.T.O)
And now I can be shameless.
Hehadabellysobigwhereifyoufoldedyourhandsuponit, youcouldnestleyourchinandappearreallyreallyinterestedineverything.
PHEW!

Then something happened which makes describing his physicality vital. So that when you find him someday and he's wearing the same attire, you can ask him these questions.

His phone, which was charging with the driver, rang. And when he went to pick it up, I saw the caller id.
(two can play this sneaky game Somesh)
It said 'God On Earth'.
You know I'm not kidding because who would I be kidding?
Which begged the question "Who was HE", receiving calls from G.O.E.. amongst other gazillion questions. I heard him say Kem-Che and Mattey, before finally agreeing about ordering pav bhaji from a place only the person on the other line, ie. G.O.E was privy to. I gathered he was Gujrati or knew gujrati (the language). Elementary.
But before we could exchange credentials, we had reached his destination, ie. the court next to Xaviers. (damn you freeway).

...(Smooth seamless transition)....

....KMF
So KMF had a reeaalllyy long line. My friend who was still arriving got disheartened about the length of the line on the phone itself, and decided to cann the festival. So now I had travelled all this way, standing in line listening to a conversation being carried out by two college girls standing behind me.

How did I know they were college girls? I didnt. Did I ask them if they were college girls? Are you mad. But since most of my life is based on assumptions and their conclusions, I concluded from their 7 minute conversation (I was very very conscious of every minute) about a squirrel that was above in the trees, and how it would poop on them and what they would do as a result of that.(it would be covered on poop-scoop, they said and laughed). This chatter continued with the indulgence I can only liken to when consuming a Chocolate Overload brownie at Theos or Lava-Lava (Say!) at Mochas.

My friend who had canned the plan then called me to inform that she was at the back of the line. I said "great". There must have been 10 people ahead of me in the line so it was like a scenario of hope.
But just because you can see your alleged saviour (ticket seller, who was a Parsi boy chewing gum. I wont tell you how I knew he was Parsi #stereotyping) does not mean you get rescued. Look at our superhero films. What about the people in the buildings you're obliterating ? The Irresponsible Avengers. The Callous Batman. The Self-Centrered Superman (No No, what are you saying, is what people would say. Shut up, I say, to those people).

So this one Aunty (no relation/semi-derogatory tone) stood out for this particular act. She'd turn around to her two other companions and say
"I think they are all over".
"I dont think there are any tickets left".
"I asked and he said the tickets are over".
She'd say these things not to her friends but in the general direction of the line.

Not one person budged.

My friend, named Ketki Samant joined me with the exclamation "Oh you havent changed a bit!" waala dialogue (we were meeting after 5 years. No tears were shed).
But the college girls did not object.
Because she cut into the line with tact. Ek to, she's a female (duh), which greatly reduced the chances of objection being raised,  unless this same lady, who kept announcing "OH NO TICKETS TO KHATAM HO GAYE!!"/ HAAYE DAIYYA RE DAIIYAA TICKETS KHATAM HO GAYE " would have been standing behind us.
The other tactful tactic used by Ketki was one that chemistry geeks describe as the 'slow amalgamation' where while you're talking to a person in the line, your toes are nimbly nibbling away at the distance between you and the queue. The important part here is the conversation. You cannot and should not leave a pause in your conversation where someone like that lady can interrupt you and your kaali kartoot (EXCUSE ME, LIKE HELLOO....(turns in her queue for support) DEKHO YE LADKI KAHAAN GHUSee JAA RAHI HAI).

Though if this does happen, I've seen people counter it with "But I was always here/ He was saving my space). Or the rock solid "Arre, HUSBAIND HAIN MERE! / YE MERE MR. HAIN! / or the ever more ambiguous YE MERE VO HAIN!" (to which people mumble meekly "Oh..phir theek hai").
This beats even rock, paper and scissors. (of which two are not allowed in hand baggage. Jaise paper cuts to koi cheez hi nahin hotey.)

So luckily Ketki did need to make me her husband or to prove that she was always there, standing in line (by turning a dial in her watch, then re-turning it, like MR.India). We got in, not to this show but for the next one, so there was time to stuff ourselves with some pizza and beer, (by the bay ofcourse). Also, that aunty was right, about tickets being over for that movie. And those college girls went away to have a discourse on squirrel poopings.

The movie we saw was great. Like really really good. And very very different. Like most Korean films.  (it was called A Hard Day)

But there was no kimchi (free or paid)